The art of dating again [nah, nevermind]

Should I share some tips about using dating apps or should I tell you the story of how I got fooled again, for the nth time, in this lifetime?

I’m sorry to break it to you, but I need to retract some things I wrote in my last blog entry (see here for reference: https://chelburce.wixsite.com/website/post/the-art-of-dating-again-or-not). I did end things, yes. But, I wasn’t able to conclude it the way I envisioned it to be. It’s funny because I thought of just suddenly disappearing from his life like we never knew each other or never talked. I didn’t consider him as an official acquaintance because we only met through the bee dating app. Thus, it was rather easy for me to think of ending things before they even start to get deeper. I was so confident back then that I should’ve held my horses tighter.

It started when I acknowledged that I’m beginning to get attached to him. I accepted the fact that whenever I hear his singing voice, I just get blown away. I looked forward to our conversations about life, film, and music appreciation. I knew that if I continue talking to him, I’d definitely fall in the trap I already saw coming. And so, I thought of getting a hold of myself and stopping midway. Since I thought we wouldn’t have the chance to communicate again, not even once in the future, I mustered up my courage to wish him well, hope for his genuine happiness, and share my feelings through writing. Then I blocked him. It was already enough for me to let those feelings out, so I didn’t hold back.

What happened next wasn’t what I expected. He reached out to me, contrary to what I’ve imagined. I already pictured things on my mind, but they were all different in reality. To make the story short, since he pursued still talking to me, we continued to do so. You must be thinking that I wasn’t so firm then, right? At first, I thought our set-up would be awkward, but we learned how to just laugh at what happened. It became a little funny incident that further developed our rapport with each other.

If you thought everything just went well from there, it wasn’t. We had a push-and-pull scenario since I still tried to avoid him entirely. But I couldn’t. I just didn’t. And I became confused because he became even more concerned about me, messaged me first, asked how have I been, among others. We even watched movies via Zoom (which isn’t advisable as the video keeps getting delayed or lagging) and talked almost the entire day. We discussed key points in the movies, shared some stories about ourselves, and attempted to talk further on how we’re progressing.

In the process of me making sense of how things were surprisingly going well with us, I felt that it was too good to be true, that something was odd. I’ve noticed red flags off the bat before, but I brushed them off buying his claim that he’s just reserved and cautious because of prior stalking experiences. Even though I tried to just drop all my doubts, I couldn’t seem to escape thinking about it.

So, I’ve tried searching for him online. He said he didn’t have any social media accounts, but I found it difficult to believe. My researching skills were put to a test, and since I didn’t know his full name, it was challenging for me to find any trace of him. Then I thought of using a reverse image search in Google. To my surprise, I found the original source of the photos he has been using in his accounts. Simply put, he’s a fraud, or worse, a catfish.

Still, I didn’t stop verifying his identity. I reached out to the woman he said was his ‘the one who got away.’ She was of course shocked from my random message, but then I pursued talking to her and shared what I’ve found out about him. She, later on, thanked me for telling her things and that it’s amazing for me to even look out for her, even if I barely know her.

What’s the point of all this, really? You might think I should just ignore this situation since fake accounts are prevalent online. Yet, I couldn’t just let it go because I’m tired of looking past the truth. This isn’t such a big deal, yes, but I believe I deserve learning what’s real and what’s not for once. Or this is just my ego not being able to accept that I’ve been deceived yet again.

I used to blame myself for trusting too much and making myself vulnerable to fallacies, but I just realized that maybe, I’ve been put in this situation because I question things. Well, I don’t really know though. I think I’m just trying to comfort myself.

Anyway, while I’m at it, I’m sharing some tips in using dating apps (though you might have already figured this out way earlier than me). Never swipe right to those who aren’t verified. Always look out for that blue mark. If not, ask them to verify their profile first. Non-compliance to this is non-negotiable, so just move on and unmatch. I think it is also given that we should be mindful when giving our personal information. If we have the energy to call out rude and sexually insinuating people, do so. If not, never hesitate to block and report them.

Further, may we find matches who are worthy of our time and attention. Or maybe, let’s just change our mindset and connect freely, without romantic expectations. We’ll never know what lies ahead of us until we try and go with the flow.

Writer's note: To you, I know you'll be able to read this, but I don't care. This will be my last straw, so don't try reaching out to me again. Good riddance!

#blog #writing #dating #online #connecting #communication #fraud #catfish #ego #life